Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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