I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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