that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
