She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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