i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
