i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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