My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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