I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
