one might say we're banned from that church
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize