So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
