New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
