I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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