Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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