He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
