Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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