I was born with a shot glass in my hand
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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