with your own penis?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Randomize
