you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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