HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
