and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
