I look better un-naked...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
