thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
