But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
