So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
