Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
