i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
