Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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