Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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