trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
