everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
