I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
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