I can feel you judging me through the phone.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
