I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
