Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
