Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm like, not good at living.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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