apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
