you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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