I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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