is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
