I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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