Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
one might say we're banned from that church
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
