I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
it hurts more in the daytime
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
