I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
