I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
