i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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