My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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