I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
