I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
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I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
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The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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