My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
