I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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