My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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