He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
