You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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