My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
