see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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