my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
