But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
