My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
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Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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