does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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