so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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