I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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