I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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