Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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