I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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